December 17, 2023

grief thoughts

I'm glad grief doesn't happen all at once but one day/moment at a time

I can't believe I have to live the rest of my life without him

I'm glad I got to watch him decline because it helps convince me that there could have been no other outcome

A part of me will always be looking backward into the past (as opposed to being present)

I just want to live in a world where Sylvester is alive

It feels like I'm dragging myself kicking and screaming to send him off

All I have now are memories

This is the longest week of my life

Part of me is replaying the reel of his life and another part is replaying the reel of his decline

Is grief just about the heart catching up to the brain

Nothing condenses time like reviewing the life of one you love and lost

Heaven is an ordinary day with someone you love

If we're not loving each other right here right now what are we even doing - loving each other in the moment is all we have - everything else gets taken away

People who grieve are visionaries because they're already straddling time and space to be with those they've loved and lost

Grief is a teacher, but I'd stay ignorant if it meant having Sylvester

It feels like just yesterday, and it also feels like a lifetime ago

It's not that the loss was more or less than anyone else's, it's that the loss was yours

When I'm absorbed in something, it's like Sylvester is just sleeping somewhere in the house, and I have to realize over and over that he's dead

I can't love anyone without thinking of Sylvester

I feel like a piece of me / version of me died with Sylvester 

Some people become our template of love (or rather, the template for the liberated version of ourselves)

I used to tell Sylvester all the time that I missed him, because I was out in the world without his physical form with me - and now I'm out in the world with his spirit with me always, and I still miss his physical form (maybe nothing has changed because missing him is part of knowing him)

The shockwaves of grief extend through time