I've thought about endings a lot. I think I've had my fair share of endings, and somewhere I once declared I am never losing anybody ever again as if there was some kind of mistake I was repeating. There wasn't though, and nothing I could help.
I think there comes a certain point, that certain splitting in the Y-shaped path, where parting ways becomes inevitable. I think it happens when two people's version of the truth deadlock and preclude each other.
And since I believe people should be free to build belief structures that allow themselves peace, I sense the inevitable split very strongly and end up walking away from people so they (and/or I) have the space to build separate.
It's hard still, because when I love someone, I am immersed in their truth. And as the split comes, I turn inwards to doubt myself and what I am building, melded as I am with their structure. And I don't think they know this, that I then end up pulling away ever more sharply in self-preservation.
It's tragic though, that subjective truths can threaten each other's existence like that, and how our emotional well-being gets put up as collateral.
***
I suppose I will always get blamed for jumping out first, but what has dragging things out ever done?
Might have saved me from jumping back in at some point, but I'm counting on knowing my truth well enough not to.